call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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