I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
