U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
