I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
