the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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