You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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