The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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