Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
