11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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