Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm really into asian looking animals
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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