the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sext me about skeletons
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
