Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
