I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i think im in europe. pls send help
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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