I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
