People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
