Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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