Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
