Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
