That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize