I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
