my phone needs a breathalizer
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
