I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
