u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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