btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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