It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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