..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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