you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize