I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
