Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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