I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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