just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
