I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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