Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
