I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
