duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize