Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Two words: nipple clamps
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