He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
