dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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