Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
