smell my finger.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Text me some of your sweat
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
