ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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