burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
