I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
