I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
