Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
