It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
