Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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