Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize