it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
