so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
