Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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