Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
