we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
