I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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