The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
