my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
