Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
