I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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