going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
