Small penises have feelings too.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
