There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
