worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
