Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
