Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
